Good Ideas I've Had That I've Never Had a Chance to Use

I have good ideas. I always have done, my whole life. Rarely, however, can I convince anyone else that these are, in fact, good ideas. Until they've had time to think about it, but by then it's too late.

For example, this past Halloween I tried to convince my 6'4" husband that we should attend the annual costume party as Brigitte Nielsen and Flava Flav. The catch, of course, was that he would go as Gitte and I would go as Flav (I'm only 5'6"). I figured we could put him in a body stocking, black thong, apron, and paper soda-jerk hat, and I'd go in oversized jersey, clock, and Viking helmet. What a hoot! What a riot! What hilarity would ensue!

I think I should have waited to tell him about the thong until after he agreed to do it....

(For the curious or the curiouser, we just wore some fancy dress and powdered wigs we had laying around the house. Don't ask.)

Anyway, here's a list of some good ideas I've had that somebody should get to use, damn it. Just remember, I said they were "good" ideas, not "genius" ideas.

The Cojoined Twins Game
A fun party game would be to select random guests to become cojoined twins for the evening. This could be achieved by tying a scarf or necktie around the body parts to be cojoined: forehead to forehead, hip to hip, use your imagination! Considerably more fun if the newly cojoined twins are complete strangers. The obvious venue would be a Halloween party, but it could also be fun at a baby shower....

The Match Game
OK, I haven't worked out all of the details out on this one yet, because I literally dreamed it up last night in the five minutes I was actually asleep, but I'm sure it'll be great when all the kinks are worked out. This is my answer to all the gift exchange games that pop up around Christmas.

(As a complete aside, we tried to get my family to do a Yankee swap this year. You know, where someone takes a random gift, opens it, next guy either opens a different random gift or steals the first guy's present, and so on. The point being that all the random gifts are either totally goofy or totally desirable, so everyone want to steal or gets stuck with a dog. Haha, good times. Anyway, my uber-polite, don't-hurt-anyone's-feelings, don't-draw-attention-to-yourself family refused to thieve gifts. REFUSED! And decided that they never want to do a Yankee swap again, ever; next year, we're pulling names.)

OK, so back to the initial topic. In my gift exchange, each person would be charged with buying a gift for their partner, to match something they already have; blouse for skirt, earrings for necklace, tie for shirt, etc. Again, use your imagination. So, the catch is, they can't tell you in words what it is you are supposed to match! They can hum, or meow, or make jet plane noises, or grunt, but they may not describe the item in any way, shape or form. This would be even better over the phone, so that hand gestures could also not be used. Imagine the fun when the matching gifts were opened, to be displayed alongside the item to be matched!

I'm killin' myself, here. Alright, I said it'd need some work, sheesh...

How about some Costume Ideas?

Wear white sweat pants and shirts, green mittens, and red scarves --- you are Snowmen! It's October, no one would expect it!

From a large appliance box, cut out a frame. Paint gold with ornate swirls. Put on your swankest outfit and hold the frame in front of you --- you are a framed portrait of yourself! Very chic!

Don your finest 40's style swing dance dress or zoot suit. Over your head put a white or cream pillowcase, from which you have cut holes to see and breathe, and on which you have sketched a suggestion of facial features with a marker. Tie the open end around you neck with rough twine. Walk into the party sort of floppy and creepy. Remain this way for the rest of party, or at least until you have won the costume contest. (And believe me, if you wore this to my party, and I hadn't thought of it already, you WOULD.) --- you are a Voodoo Doll and a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy! (Extra points if you figure out a way to simulate pins sticking out of you.)

Yes, I know what you're thinking. Why am I not being paid for this cleverness, or being worshipped as a goddess? Your guess is as good as mine.