Well, this is my next to last week at my current job. I thought that, when this moment came, I would be dancing on my desk, waving farewell to all the poor colleagues I was going to leave behind. "So long, suckers!" I envisioned myself singing out gaily, drunk on freedom and champagne. (Wadda they gonna do, *fire* me??)
Now that the day is fast approaching, I find myself strangely sad. I guess some of it has to do with the fact that each day brings me closer to leaving my home and my friends, as well as a job I've alternated between loving and hating for six years. In essence, each day brings me just a little closer to leaving everything I know for the complete Unknown. Not to mention being --- for at least a little while --- completely dependent upon my husband for the first time. Ever.
That's a little scary when you're a control freak like me. What if I don't like it? Does not having a job mean that my husband gets to call all the shots? On a purely practical matter, this is just the first step of the journey; what if our second move in February doesn't go so well?
What if? Are there any two more wistful, wishful words in the English language? What if...I'm all alone. What if...I just watch television every day and gain a million pounds and cry all day because my husband doesn't love me any more? What if...all the plans I've had for my life never come to fruition, because I'm better at dreaming than at making those dreams come true?
Obviously, there's a little more to this than just leaving my job. But I'm going to try to stay present during these last few days, try to assess what it is I'm really afraid of, and what I can do to manage my fear. And maybe the end will start to look like a new beginning.
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1 comment:
Does not having a job mean that my husband gets to call all the shots?
A world of no.
It will be exciting and you'll have a new city to explore and discover. You'll do great.
And I think you should moon the office before you go.
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