My Life, This Weekend

Ok, I have to just interrupt myself for one second to say that the weather man, who looked like a very sedate older gentleman, just started his report with, "The latest pain in the rear is Hurricane Wilma...." Now, I ask you, is that any way for a weather man to talk?? First the postal employees stopped wearing proper uniforms, now local news personalities are talking like gang members.

Anyway, the reason I'm watching the news at all is that we leave tomorrow for a day in Brunswick and then on to Orlando and the House of Mouse. So I am glued to the weather because, without a doubt, we are going to have nothing but rain, rain, and more rain because of the damned hurricane. And it is only par for the course that the family vacation would be scheduled for the rainy season, 'cause that's just how we roll around here.

It all started when my husband decided out of the blue --- on the basis of one throw-away comment from yours truly --- to purchase a discount vacation package to Orlando. We haven't taken a proper vacation in four years, so it was an extremely sweet thing for him to do, except that we just had an unexpected vet bill. But then we had to get the brakes fixed, as he then decided we should just drive our own car, rather than rent.

Unfortunately, having made the mistake of taking care of our car once, it decided that it liked the attention and so the alternator promptly bit the dust. After an extremely complicated process, the repair was made, but Scott really did it, though, when he decided to throw in an oil change while he was at it. The car, demanding bitch that she is, suddenly decided that she needed a new battery and tires. Having gotten those, however, she went completely power mad, requiring a new something-or-other that --- as my husband explains it, and I have to trust him 'cause I don't know --- on any other model would be a separate $25 part, but on OUR model is an all-in-one unit, the sum total cost of which was in excess of $400.

Well, now that all THAT work had been done on the car, we just decided to go whole hog and buy new hubcaps! Sand and paint the rust spots! Replace the rear brake cylinders! Cost is not an issue at this point, it's only money! When all is said and done, we will have put a grand into this car, which is more than we've spent on it in the last three years, I grant you, but still, right before vacation??? That's just mean.

So there's the initial cost of the package, plus the grand for the car, plus the fuel for the drive, PLUS the cost of two vet visits with complete shots in order to be able to board the dogs while we're away (this does not include the cost of the first, surprise emergency vet visit mentioned earlier).

But it doesn't even stop there, because no sooner had the dogs discovered that THEIR needs were going to be met when they BOTH came down with some sort of horrible itchiness that needed to be addressed IMMEDIATELY, it was just too pitiful to watch, and I've had poison ivy so I know how it feels. And since the Horrible Itch was flea-related, it was clear that their flea collars just weren't cuttin' the mustard and I had to spring for the extremely expensive lethal chemical flea medicine. So there's another $500, and we haven't even boarded them yet!

And then I realized today that I am disgustingly fat and all of my clothes are completely unfashionable, so I had to go buy some new clothes so I won't look like a dumpy housewife while strolling through the Magic Kingdom. 'Cause, you know, then I'd really stand out. Fortunately, I hated almost everything as soon as I got it home, so at least we can deduct most of the panic-packing costs as soon as I can make my returns, but this discount vacation is costing us an arm and a leg!

All of this is running through my mind, along with the long check list of chores I need to do and errands I need to run before we leave, which I haven't been able to do yet because the car has either been not working or actively under repair for the last two weeks. Not a good traveler under the best of circumstances, this is driving me out of my mind.

And the cherry on the top of this stress sundae is that my poor Beloved, whose sole wish was to take me on a vacation he heard ME express a desire to take, keeps asking me if I'm excited about our trip and all I can think of is dollar signs. I feel like a real heel.