Well, I did it. Something kinda crazy. I'm even a little embarrassed to admit it, but 1) it's a little exciting and B) I don't have anything else to write about today, so what the hell.
I wrote a story.
And I sent it to a magazine for publication.
Squee!
Now, I'm no writer, I can't just sit down and make up a story. But I can describe stuff that I see pretty well, and I'm a good editor. So I got a flash of a scene, and I just started describing it, and darn if it didn't turn out okay! So I showed it to my sister and my husband, just to get a little feedback, and when they didn't think I was too off my rocker I decided to go out on a limb and submit it.
I'm really nervous, I have to admit, but I'm also proud of myself for having the nerve to do it. I'm trying not to get my hopes too far up, but keep your fingers crossed, too, okay?
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Sunday, May 22, 2005
More Poetry, We Put This in Our Wedding Program
XVII (I do not love you...)
Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Translated by Stephen Tapscott
Thursday, May 19, 2005
If I Were...I Would Be...
If I were a dessert, I would be big enough to share.
If I were an alcoholic beverage, I would be champagne.
If I were a type of music, I would be Rasputina or Red Priest.
If I were a color, I would be orange-fuscia swirl.
If I were a fruit, I would be a ripe, juicy peach.
If I were an animal, I would be a Chihuahua.
If I were a story, I would be written by Angela Carter.
If I were a car, I would be a Karmann Ghia.
If I were a poem, I would be The Heavy Bear Who Goes With Me by Delmore Schwartz.
If I were a bird, I would be a Grackle.**
If I were a city, I would be Prague.
If I were an article of clothing, I would be flip flops.
If I were the weather, I would be a summer storm.
If I were a plant, I would be a passion flower.
If I were a planet, I would be Saturn.
If I were a tree, I would be a flowering cherry.
If I were a fabric, I would be cashmere.
If I were a work of art, I would be a Redon.
If I were a book, I would be Precious Bane by Mary Webb.
If I were an emotion, I would be worry.
If I were an insect, I would be the queen bee.
If I were a song, I would be Surrounded by Chantal Kreviazuk.
If I were a fictional character, I would be Prue Sarn.
If I were a season, I would be autumn.
If I were an instrument, I would be an accordion.
If I were lingerie, I would be cabaret stripe thigh high stockings, clinging to my garters.
If I were a movie, I would be Harold & Maude.
If I were a musical, I would be Gigi.
If I were a criminal act, I would be the long con.
**THE GRACKLE
Ogden Nash
p.1942
====================
The grackle's voice is less than mellow,
His heart is black, his eye is yellow,
He bullies more attractive birds
With hoodlum deeds and vulgar words,
And should a human interfere,
Attacks that human in the rear.
I cannot help but deem the grackle
An ornithological debacle. Sunday, May 15, 2005
My Heaven on Earth
I LOVE our garden.
It was actually one of the two reasons we bought our house, but if you could see what it looked like then, you'd be scratching you head. Scott and I just kept coming back to the horrible over-grown garden and the crazy tiki bar and saying, "Are we crazy? Do we like this? Is this nuts?? Who else would buy this place???" (Turns out, NO ONE. The house had been on the market for something like 450 days.)
BUT, it was in our price range, in a pocket-neighbourhood that honestly could trick you into believing you live in the country even though it's in the middle of a good sized city, and it's on a dead-end street. Even better, we were hard-pressed to find even one house in the entire neighbourhood that didn't have at least one dog. Definitely Heaven!
So we bought the place, white carpet, over-grown garden, outdated wiring, and all. Oh, if I could only explain all the crazy stuff that was in this house, you'd never stop laughing. (One example: the bizarre home made street light, converted from an old fire-hydrant. Scott not only threw his back out trying to shift the hydrant, he got electrocuted --- this is how we discovered where the line ran through the yard, ha ha.)
But slowly we started discovering the charms of this little brick box: There were hard wood floors under the carpeting! The back garden had a lot of charm once it was beaten back a little! There was a second pond under the corner bush! (We ended up taking that one out, but it was a nice surprise. Actually still had some fish in it, even; what they'd been living on, I have no idea.) The neighbours, while a little...intrusive...were actually very sweet, once we established our own territory. Scott spent a summer building the stone patio and got wonderfully brown and skinny.
All in all, it's worked out really well. I spent Friday afternoon hanging out under our cherry tree in the back garden, reading a magazine and watching the dogs goof around. This picture really doesn't do it justice; it was taken last month, and everything has grown so much since then. The hostas are already demanding to be divided, which might actually work in our favour, as the front garden is an absolute mess that a few hostas could certainly improve.
I realized that I spent our first two summers in this house focusing on all the work to be done, all the improvements yet to be made. This summer, because we'll be gone for a year, I find myself looking at the budding trees, the expanding hostas, our host of bumblebees, really noticing in a way that I haven't before. Familiarity breeds contempt, they say, and I can see now how true that is.
So this spring, and the summer to come, is bittersweet. I'm sad I won't be here next spring to take note of which tulips are emerging and which buds are flowering and if the bleeding heart made it through another winter. But I'm thankful it's made me pay attention today.
Posted by Hello
It was actually one of the two reasons we bought our house, but if you could see what it looked like then, you'd be scratching you head. Scott and I just kept coming back to the horrible over-grown garden and the crazy tiki bar and saying, "Are we crazy? Do we like this? Is this nuts?? Who else would buy this place???" (Turns out, NO ONE. The house had been on the market for something like 450 days.)
BUT, it was in our price range, in a pocket-neighbourhood that honestly could trick you into believing you live in the country even though it's in the middle of a good sized city, and it's on a dead-end street. Even better, we were hard-pressed to find even one house in the entire neighbourhood that didn't have at least one dog. Definitely Heaven!
So we bought the place, white carpet, over-grown garden, outdated wiring, and all. Oh, if I could only explain all the crazy stuff that was in this house, you'd never stop laughing. (One example: the bizarre home made street light, converted from an old fire-hydrant. Scott not only threw his back out trying to shift the hydrant, he got electrocuted --- this is how we discovered where the line ran through the yard, ha ha.)
But slowly we started discovering the charms of this little brick box: There were hard wood floors under the carpeting! The back garden had a lot of charm once it was beaten back a little! There was a second pond under the corner bush! (We ended up taking that one out, but it was a nice surprise. Actually still had some fish in it, even; what they'd been living on, I have no idea.) The neighbours, while a little...intrusive...were actually very sweet, once we established our own territory. Scott spent a summer building the stone patio and got wonderfully brown and skinny.
All in all, it's worked out really well. I spent Friday afternoon hanging out under our cherry tree in the back garden, reading a magazine and watching the dogs goof around. This picture really doesn't do it justice; it was taken last month, and everything has grown so much since then. The hostas are already demanding to be divided, which might actually work in our favour, as the front garden is an absolute mess that a few hostas could certainly improve.
I realized that I spent our first two summers in this house focusing on all the work to be done, all the improvements yet to be made. This summer, because we'll be gone for a year, I find myself looking at the budding trees, the expanding hostas, our host of bumblebees, really noticing in a way that I haven't before. Familiarity breeds contempt, they say, and I can see now how true that is.
So this spring, and the summer to come, is bittersweet. I'm sad I won't be here next spring to take note of which tulips are emerging and which buds are flowering and if the bleeding heart made it through another winter. But I'm thankful it's made me pay attention today.
Posted by Hello
Thursday, May 12, 2005
An Exciting Day for Che
Small Dog had a very exciting day yesterday, he fell into the fish pond.
One minute he's watching the fish eat, the next thing I know is I hear a big "KER-PLUNK" and he's splashing around for dear life. (Honestly, it was exactly the sound you hear when you drop a big rock into a lake. Everytime I think about it, I just have to chuckle.)
Anyway, this is why the dogs are never allowed in the back yard on their own; they are very small, and our pond is very deep. This could be serious trouble. Fortunately, I was there to pull his sorry, damp self out of the pond, good as new.
The fish, however, are COMPLETELY traumatized. You can imagine how THEY feel: one minute it's supper, the next minute there's a dog on their heads. It's no wonder they won't come out from the lily pads now. It's kind of a shame, though, I really love watching them all swimming and schooling. It's one of the highlights of my day.
Watching Che eat is a little less poetic, but I guess it will have to do. At least until the fish have recovered.
One minute he's watching the fish eat, the next thing I know is I hear a big "KER-PLUNK" and he's splashing around for dear life. (Honestly, it was exactly the sound you hear when you drop a big rock into a lake. Everytime I think about it, I just have to chuckle.)
Anyway, this is why the dogs are never allowed in the back yard on their own; they are very small, and our pond is very deep. This could be serious trouble. Fortunately, I was there to pull his sorry, damp self out of the pond, good as new.
The fish, however, are COMPLETELY traumatized. You can imagine how THEY feel: one minute it's supper, the next minute there's a dog on their heads. It's no wonder they won't come out from the lily pads now. It's kind of a shame, though, I really love watching them all swimming and schooling. It's one of the highlights of my day.
Watching Che eat is a little less poetic, but I guess it will have to do. At least until the fish have recovered.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
This Week's Dream
Posted by Hello
Scott and I stayed at the Pink Motel this weekend, as we passed through the Smokey Mountains on our way home from Georgia. This motel is so cute, absolutely everything is pink --- exterior, carpeting, bedspreads, bathroom tile. It was FABULOUS! Built in the '50's, it's owned by the daughter of the original owner. My dream this week is to buy the Pink Motel when the current owner decides to retire, then I would make it a haven of kitschy good times. I would live in the Pink Motel for the rest of my life! Hurrah! Anyway, while I'm dreaming you can start planning your vacation to Cherokee, NC. The Smokies are beautiful, there are wedding chapels galore (why, I'm not sure; this region is apparently the Vegas of the Southeast), and you can honeymoon in the Pink Motel!
Monday, May 02, 2005
Incredible, But True!
| You Are a Chihuahua Puppy |
 Small, high strung, and loyal. You do best in the city with a adults - young kids could crush you! |
Friday, April 29, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
The Heavy Bear Who Goes With Me
Delmore Schwartz
"the withness of the body" –Whitehead
The heavy bear who goes with me,
A manifold honey to smear his face,
Clumsy and lumbering here and there,
The central ton of every place,
The hungry beating brutish one
In love with candy, anger, and sleep,
Crazy factotum, dishevelling all,
Climbs the building, kicks the football,
Boxes his brother in the hate-ridden city.
Breathing at my side, that heavy animal,
That heavy bear who sleeps with me,
Howls in his sleep for a world of sugar,
A sweetness intimate as the water's clasp,
Howls in his sleep because the tight-rope
Trembles and shows the darkness beneath.
--The strutting show-off is terrified,
Dressed in his dress-suit, bulging his pants,
Trembles to think that his quivering meat
Must finally wince to nothing at all.
That inescapable animal walks with me,
Has followed me since the black womb held,
Moves where I move, distorting my gesture,
A caricature, a swollen shadow,
A stupid clown of the spirit's motive,
Perplexes and affronts with his own darkness,
The secret life of belly and bone,
Opaque, too near, my private, yet unknown,
Stretches to embrace the very dear
With whom I would walk without him near,
Touches her grossly, although a word
Would bare my heart and make me clear,
Stumbles, flounders, and strives to be fed
Dragging me with him in his mouthing care,
Amid the hundred million of his kind,
the scrimmage of appetite everywhere.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
You Had Me At Your Badass Homepage Image
The coolest site ---- bar NONE --- for shopping right now has got to be Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab and it's sister site, Black Phoenix Trading Post. I am not kidding. If this site was a person, I'd be stripped down to my panties already; I'm hot and bothered, I tell ya!
I simply cannot explain the experience of browsing Black Phoenix, but let's just say you have to be intrigued by a shop that creates a limited edition line of fragrance called "Springtime in Arkham". (I'm a well-documented Lovecraft geek, so my heart is a-flutter.) If you can't choose between Al Azif, Cuthulhu, or Miskatonic University, you can always spring for the Gibbering Madness sampler pack. But hurry; these particular scents are only available until June 1, 2005.
That don't rock your boat? Howsabout something from the Mad Tea Party line? Now you can smell like your favorite character from the classic story. (Sorry, Spittingonmissamerica, no Dina.)
Please do yourself a favor and check it out; even if you don't like fragrance or cool fucking tshirts, you will enjoy the clip art and the poetic, well-considered descriptions. And if you do like scent, you can be sure no one else at the mall is gonna smell like you!
I simply cannot explain the experience of browsing Black Phoenix, but let's just say you have to be intrigued by a shop that creates a limited edition line of fragrance called "Springtime in Arkham". (I'm a well-documented Lovecraft geek, so my heart is a-flutter.) If you can't choose between Al Azif, Cuthulhu, or Miskatonic University, you can always spring for the Gibbering Madness sampler pack. But hurry; these particular scents are only available until June 1, 2005.
That don't rock your boat? Howsabout something from the Mad Tea Party line? Now you can smell like your favorite character from the classic story. (Sorry, Spittingonmissamerica, no Dina.)
Please do yourself a favor and check it out; even if you don't like fragrance or cool fucking tshirts, you will enjoy the clip art and the poetic, well-considered descriptions. And if you do like scent, you can be sure no one else at the mall is gonna smell like you!
Monday, April 25, 2005
Interpret My Dream
This oughta be good.....
Ok, so last night I dreamt that I was wandering through this big hotel. I was looking for a man about getting a job. I was dressed respectably, but shabbily; if I didn't find this person to talk about this job I was going to be out on the street, and I was desperate and terrified, but I could not find my way to where I was supposed to talk to this person.
Suddenly, I bumped into Jennifer Aniston. I asked her several times, with increasing urgency, to help me contact this man I was supposed to see about the job. She pretty much blew me off, like she had her own problems (you know, Brad) and just couldn't be bothered with mine. Then she swept off with her entourage and her glittery evening gown, and just left me standing there.
I was so frustrated and frantic I just wanted to cry. Then it was like I was looking back on myself, and I was Jennifer Aniston!
I have a few ideas about this, but I'm interested to hear what you think.
Ok, so last night I dreamt that I was wandering through this big hotel. I was looking for a man about getting a job. I was dressed respectably, but shabbily; if I didn't find this person to talk about this job I was going to be out on the street, and I was desperate and terrified, but I could not find my way to where I was supposed to talk to this person.
Suddenly, I bumped into Jennifer Aniston. I asked her several times, with increasing urgency, to help me contact this man I was supposed to see about the job. She pretty much blew me off, like she had her own problems (you know, Brad) and just couldn't be bothered with mine. Then she swept off with her entourage and her glittery evening gown, and just left me standing there.
I was so frustrated and frantic I just wanted to cry. Then it was like I was looking back on myself, and I was Jennifer Aniston!
I have a few ideas about this, but I'm interested to hear what you think.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
That's Just, Like, Your Opinion, Man
It'll help you pick out your costume for the Louisville Lebowskifest.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
BTW, the Problem Was....
The thing that was screwing up my laptop, in case you're wondering, is a little something called "TBPS.exe". Or, as I like to call it, Satan's Little Helper. If you're computer is acting crazy, check out your task manager. If you see it there --- and you will, as it's sucking 200+kb away from your poor, struggling computer --- you must find and remove the tool bar it's associated with. I worked two whole days on it and, with the help of a computer-pro friend, FINALLY managed to rid myself of this terrible plague.
One thing that really helped was a free download called "HijackThis", which had a lot of good information and tools.
So that's that.
Until the next one comes along..........
One thing that really helped was a free download called "HijackThis", which had a lot of good information and tools.
So that's that.
Until the next one comes along..........
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Yikes!
I waited far too long to take care of my injured toe, and this is the result. I go to the podiatrist tomorrow --- I dread to think what he's going to do. Trust me, this looks much, MUCH worse in person.
How was I injured? Well, it all started when Small Dog escaped, waddling at a snail's pace across our looooong front yard (he's a fattish Chihuahua, remember) and one of our neighbours was driving down our looooong hill, and I panicked at the tragedy that was playing out before my eyes. I made a final, superhuman lunge at the leash, stomping with my clog-clad foot. Alas, the clog slid forward; my foot did not. My great toe took the brunt of the punishment, but the love of my life was saved from becoming road kill.
Now my toe looks like road kill. Yuk. Wish me luck; I'll let you know how it goes.
Posted by Hello
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Otis Lee Crenshaw is My New Boyfriend
Why, oh why is he so popular in Scotland and so neglected here in the States?? It is not fair. Check him out if you can, it's a pleasant --- albeit extremely strange --- ride.
Posted by Hello
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Oh, It's All Go Here
Ha ha, that was a pun.
Ok, I talked a little bit about my neighbours' son and our little heart-to-heart about canine constipation in a comment on my friend lavidalisa's blog, but it's part of this story. If you've already read it, you may skip ahead.
Alright. My dog, Che, eats paper. It's a treat for him; after a biscuit, there's nothing he likes better than a subscription card. If we don't watch him carefully, he will unwind and eat half a roll of bath tissue. If I want him to behave, I tempt him with one square of tissue, and he's putty in my hands. Because he sneaks paper between his sanctioned "treats", he is sometimes, well, constipated. To be perfectly frank.
So one afternoon we were in the yard, waiting for Che to do his thing, and I was talking with my neighbours' son, who is a very nice person but a bit of a know-it-all. In the middle of our conversation, Che suddenly began whimpering and very obviously looking at his bottom in a distressed way. Of course my neighbour wanted to know what was happening, so I had to admit that 1) my dog eats paper, b) we somewhat condone this, and 3) it makes him constipated and confused.
"Oh," says my neighbour, "you wanna give him some applesauce. Works like a charm." Very matter of fact.
Oh, well, then. Applesauce it is. How it is he knows this, off the top of his head, I don't think I want to know. But, out of pure desperation, I gave it a try and he's right; it works like a charm. Huh.
Fast forward to this Saturday, which was Che's birthday. We also celebrate Yma's then, because she's a rescue and we're not sure when her real birthday is.
Anyway, I decided to have a little birthday party for the dogs. Invited a couple of people, then realized I should probably get the dogs a little cake or something. You know, festive. So I went 'round to the organic doggy bakery to pick up some favors for the guests' pups back home and a cake or something special for our guys.
Now, if you were going to purchase a little cake or muffin, given the information earlier, what flavour would you choose? Would it be, oh, pumpkin or cheese or liver flavour?
Yeah, that's you.
Me, I went for the applesauce muffins.
Yes, applesauce.
I'll let you just mull that over for a minute....
Well, I'll just close by saying that four days of diarrhea will run you $158 for an 11 pound Chihuahua.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
My Computer Has Worms!
But my darling husband fixed them for me (fingers crossed, knock wood). Seems the little effer was glomming all my laptop's strength whenever I started the internet, much like Delilah cutting Samson's wavy golden locks. We still have no idea how it got there, but I have been strictly admonished to STOP DOWNLOADING FROM THE INTERNET!
I'm not gonna argue, since I'm not the one who figured out a) what the problem was and 2) how to fix it.
Anyway, with luck I will be able to post a little more consistently from now on, although --- just as with worms of the canine intestinal variety --- one must be ever vigilant, and anticipate occasional re-occurrence. Let's all keep our fingers crossed.....
I'm not gonna argue, since I'm not the one who figured out a) what the problem was and 2) how to fix it.
Anyway, with luck I will be able to post a little more consistently from now on, although --- just as with worms of the canine intestinal variety --- one must be ever vigilant, and anticipate occasional re-occurrence. Let's all keep our fingers crossed.....
Friday, April 01, 2005
Arrrgh! My Pirate Name Be...
Mad Anne Vane
"Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You tend to blend into the background occasionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!"
Get your own pirate name at fidius.org.
"Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You tend to blend into the background occasionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!"
Get your own pirate name at fidius.org.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Now I'm Really Getting Pissed.
You are NEVER going to believe this, but that post --- the one about the dog? I just lost it again. And I'm not even on my home computer!
I'm giving up for the day, Computer 2 - Quinnbee 0.
I'm giving up for the day, Computer 2 - Quinnbee 0.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Dark Forces are Afoot
Firstly, my computer is shit.
I finally sit down to write my blog, which I haven't been able to do in a week, and the effing thing loses my whole thing. Oddly enough, it was about a dog.
So, I'm going to leave off for today. Tomorrow, I will be getting some software to correct the problems I've been having. Or a really big, solid baseball bat. To correct the problems I've been having.
I finally sit down to write my blog, which I haven't been able to do in a week, and the effing thing loses my whole thing. Oddly enough, it was about a dog.
So, I'm going to leave off for today. Tomorrow, I will be getting some software to correct the problems I've been having. Or a really big, solid baseball bat. To correct the problems I've been having.
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